Confused...

I'm torn between going to graduate school or finding a job right now. I know that both have their ups and downs, but I really don't know which one I want to do. I haven't been sleeping, because this has taken up my thoughts for so long now. I just need to make a decision and stick with it. But, there are drawbacks to both options.

I would love to go to graduate school, but I don't have a lot of cash. I was scheduled to do 6 sub jobs this month, but had one. The other times the teachers pulled out at the last minute and decided to stay and teach. Well, there went my income. Feh. Then again, there is a reason why I don't have a job, yet, and it's not due to lack of trying. I've sent out around 150-200 resumes in the past 6 months. I wonder if God is trying to tell me something?

What this whole debacle boils down to is the following:

• If I go to graduate school I will probably be broke for the next 1 1/2 years.
• I will have to get a job while in graduate school while pulling full time student status.
• Even more student loans.
• I will have to pay for medical/dental/eye insurance.
• English major books are expensive and don't resell well.
• I'm chicken-shit that I will fail miserably at being a graduate student.

• If I find a 'real' job, I'll need to actually find one I'm qualified for.
• I need to find a job I'm happy with, otherwise I'll be going through this again in no time flat.
• I need a job that pays more than minimum wage.
• Did I mention that I want a job I'm happy with?

• I have a feeling that if I don't go to graduate school now, I never will.
• That would be a huge regret for me.
• Can't really go to another grad. school, because I didn't take the GRE.
• Many people wrote some awesome recommendations for me.
• I graduated from high school in Iowa, got my BA in Nebraska, thought it would be cool to get my MA in South Dakota. Someday I could get my Ph.D. somewhere really cool. (Ha!)
• I'm still chicken-shit, thinking I'm going to fail...

• My podiatrist told me, "They can take any possession away from you, except your education." She encouraged me to get my MA, because she said I could teach at a community college and not put up with asinine people.
• My mom thinks that I would either fail or go broke if I go to grad. school. I'm betting that she thinks both would happen. It should be noted that my mom and I don't always get along the best. She also thinks I'm going to end up a spinster.
• I need to get my writing out there and can get some editing experience while getting my MA., so if someday I decided to go into publishing, I would have some type of a background other than editor of my BA college newspaper.

DECISIONS! --There, now I feel a little better...