Final's Song "I Will Survive" (College Version)

At first I was afraid
I was petrified
That I just can't keep my gpa
Of two point five
I spent all those stupid nights
I was just chilling way too long
And that was wrong
But now I know I must be strong
And now they're back
They're in my face
I've got 3 finals and 2 papers
To be done in just 5 days!
I should never have gone out
And I should never have partied
Cause now all this work I have
Is all piling up on me!
So now I must go
To the libraryo
To do research on those papers
And study harder than before
It's hell, I'll tell you that
And you know it's not a lie
But I can't crumble
I can't lay down and die!
Oh no not I!
I will survive!
If I keep a 2 point 0
At least I'll be alive
I've got five more days to live
And i think my brain will give
But I'll survive!
I will survive!


Finals Poem "Twas the Night Before Finals"

Twas the night before finals
And all through the college,
All the students were praying
For last minute knowledge.
Most were quite sleepy,
But none touched their beds;
While visions of essays
Danced in their heads.
Out in the taverns,
A few were still drinking
And hoping that liquor
Would free up their thinking.
In my own dorm room
I had been pacing
And dreading the exams
I soon would be facing.
My roommate was speechless;
Her nose in her books;
And my comments to her
Drew unfriendly looks.
I drained all the coffee,
And brewed a new pot
No longer caring
hat my nerves were shot.
I stared at my notes,
But my thoughts were all muddy;
My eyes went ablur
I just couldn't study.
"Some pizza might help!"
I said with a shiver,
But each place I called
Was too busy to deliver.
I'd nearly concluded
That life was too cruel
When futures depend
On grades earned in school.
When all of a sudden
Our door opened wide,
And partron Saint Put-It-Off Ambled inside.
His spirit was careless;
His manner was mellow;
He walked across the room
And started to bellow
"What kind of student
Would make a fuss
To toss back at teachers
What they tossed at us?"
"On cliff notes! On crib notes!
On last year's exams!
On wing-it and sling-it!
On last minute crams!"
His message delivered,
He vanished from sight,
But we heard him laughing
Outside in the night.
"You're teachers have pegged you,
So just do your best."


Finals Prayer "A Student's Prayer"

Now I lay me down to study. I pray the Lord I won't go nutty. If I should fail to learn this junk, I pray the Lord I will not flunk. But, if i do, don't shed a tear. Just put a rose behind my ear. Tell my teacher I did my best, then pile my books upon my chest. If I should die before I wake, that's one less test I'll have to take.

Amen



+++
Obviously, I can't take credit for any of these, since they have been circulating since before my freshman year of college back in 1998, but they're fun for those of us going through finals right now!

And, FYI, if I ever got a 2.5 I would die... a 3.0 would probably maim me...

What's left:
1.) Shakespeare exam on Wednesday night
2.) Criticism Paper (15 pages) due Thursday